Growing child
by The Sacred Pandapuff
Summary: Colonel Bastard realises that Ed is growing up and tries to be nice but Ed won't take it that well. Slight Parental!RoyEd Oneshot.


Last night this idea struck me and I decided to write it down. I tried to keep everyone in character though in the middle Roy especially is a little OC. But he's just trying to be nice, you know. And he'll snap out of it.

Let's just stop this ranting and get to the story.

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA! I do now own it! I said it! Believe me!**

* * *

**GROWING CHILD**

Roy Mustang sighed as he moved another pile of finished paperwork on lieutenant Hawkeye's desk where she could easily pick it up and deliver it to the right people. Havoc chuckled on the other side of the room.

"It took you this long to finish that pile?" he asked as he lightened up another cigarette. Roy nodded grumpily.

"You know I hate paperwork. I never even imagined that being Colonel would mean this much paperwork. There aren't that many action missions anymore. That's boring. This job doesn't fit to me. As soon as I get a promotion and less paperwork I'll be over million times happier", he snarled. Havoc rolled his eyes.

"Come on, chief, it isn't that bad. They're just papers. And you have us keeping you company."

Roy laughed. "You keeping me company? Why would I care about your company in specific? I'd be thrilled if this room would be full of hot chicks! That'd be the best job ever! But unfortunately the only woman in here is Hawkeye, and if I'll ever try to get closer to her my brains will get blasted to the wall. This job is a nightmare."

Havoc sulked. "Come on, we aren't that bad. We all know that you have a weak spot for chicks. And you could've let me that girl on the bakery, you know she had a crush on me before you came up."

Roy waved his hand. "If she gave up with you that easily it means she never really cared about you. Find another."

Havoc started writing to his papers with bitter tears in his eyes. "You're so evil. Why don't you take someone else's girlfriends? Why mine?"

Roy chuckled as he sat down again and raised a pen dramatically in the air. "Because no one else here manages to find hot chicks I've never met before, 2nd lieutenant Havoc. You should take that as a compliment!"

"From now on I'll keep my mouth shut about the girls I've found…" Havoc muttered furiously. Roy nodded proudly.

"Good choice, Havoc. Good choice. From now on I'll be stalking you."

"You really are evil!" Havoc growled and stood up. "You're like family to us and that's the way you act like. What a role model. I just have to wonder how it affects Ed."

Roy chuckled. "Ed's a kid, he won't understand anything."

Havoc shook his head. "Maybe you've been too busy with women to notice that he's grown, Colonel. He's not a mere child anymore, he's a young man. Oh, and he should be back here from the mission in about twenty minutes. But knowing him it'll probably take him hours to show up."

Roy shook his head. "That irresponsible brat. Doesn't he understand that people are busy enough with their jobs without him delivering all of his reports late?"

Havoc sighed. "Probably not. See you, chief."

"See you Havoc. At what time are you leaving today?" Roy asked innocently. Havoc turned with narrowed eyes.

"Don't even try to follow me. Bye", he snarled as he shut the door behind him. Roy sighed.

"I was just asking!" he yelled after him and snorted. "Now I have nothing else to do than paperwork and waiting for that brat." He smiled maliciously and started planning how to welcome the kid to Central again. A few remarks of his lack of height sounded just what little Ed needed.

In his mind little Ed would never grow up. He'd always be the little kid of the group.

* * *

Two hours later Ed stormed to the room with his brother. He slammed the door shut so fiercely that the windows almost broke down. 

"Too lazy to do your job again, Colonel Bastard?" Ed growled as he crushed to the chair Roy had put ready for him before his desk and threw one paper on Roy's desk. "There's the report. Can I go?"

Roy smiled as he looked at the paper. "Wow, Fullmetal. This report is almost as short as you are."

Ed snapped and Alphonse kept him far enough from Roy. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT YOU'D NEED A LABORATORY FULL OF THE NEWEST MACHINES TO SEPARATE ME FROM ALL THE ATOMS IN THE AIR!?"

Roy shook his head. "I meant you but I never said that much. Though it did come to my mind."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, COLONEL BASTARD! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, LET GO OF ME AL, HE DESERVES IT, YOU KNOW IT, LET GOOOO!" Ed bellowed furiously and tried to fight free. Alphonse hung his head and shook it.

"No, brother, I'm not letting you go. Calm down, we can settle this. He didn't mean what he said, he was just joking."

"THEN HE SHOULD STOP JOKING!" Ed bellowed. "I'M TALL! I'M FREAKING TALL!"

"Keep telling yourself that, Fullmetal. Maybe one day it'll be true. If you grow from that."

Ed blushed furiously. "I have grown! _I have grown_!"

Roy chuckled but his frown left as he eyed the kid more. He really had grown since their first meeting. And he was looking more like an adult too. It was shocking. Where did his childhood go?

Ed looked uncomfortable under his gaze and snarled. "Don't look so surprised!"

Roy smirked. "Why? I'm highly surprised to see that the little shrimp has actually grown."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN'T EVEN GROW BECAUSE HIS BODY DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!?" Ed bellowed again and Al held him back again.

"Calm down, brother. And Colonel, could you please stop with those remarks, I really don't think it's a wise thing to piss off my brother", Al sighed and turned to the Colonel. Roy rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay. I'll stop. His short temper can't take it-"

"NGAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ed screamed out of frustration and started pulling his own hair. Roy waved to get his attention.

"Stop it Fullmetal, you're ruining your hair. Someone might think that I attacked you and I'd get on court, so please, stop it. Let's get back to the report." He took the paper in his hand once again and read it through. Oh great. Blown up buildings, angry people, pissed off Ed. He should've guessed. Ed moved uncomfortably on his chair when an idea struck Roy. What if..?

"Alphonse, could you please leave me and your brother alone for a while?" he asked nicely and Ed shot up furiously. Al nodded.

"Sit down brother, it'll be okay. Just don't fight", Al said strongly and walked out of the room. Ed sulked on his chair.

"Now tell me, what is so important that even my brother can't hear it? You know I'll tell him anyway", he growled leaned back. Roy sighed.

"Why is it Edward that you always lose your temper, especially on your missions? Is it just your way of testing your limits?"

Ed stared at him blankly, surprised as the Colonel had used his real name and not his State Alchemist title. "Huh? What do you mean?"

Roy tapped the paper tiredly. "I see you're a teenager now so it's completely normal to feel strange and get huge mood-swings and test your limits but you've got to put a line for it."

Ed looked at him, blushing out of anger. "Don't even start. This is completely pointless."

Roy snarled. "There isn't anyone else to lecture you so it becomes my responsibility. Calm down Ed, let's talk it over."

Ed crossed his arms. "I'm not talking about anything with you!"

Roy shook his head. "Not the old classic 'you don't understand me' thing, please. How are you doing?"

Ed looked at him suspiciously. "Excuse me?"

Roy snarled. "Simple question, Ed. How are you doing?"

Ed snorted. "I'm fine when I get out of this room."

"What have you been doing lately?" Roy went on. Ed raised his eyebrows.

"Just read the report", he answered shortly. Roy shook his head.

"The reports tells about your mission. Not about your free time."

Ed's eyes narrowed. "Why are you so interested about my spare time?"

Roy smiled. "Edward, Edward. Everyone must have someone to ask how they're doing and listen to them. Alphonse has you as a person to look up to but I don't really believe you have anyone."

Ed laughed. "It's not like I need anyone."

"Everyone needs someone like that, Ed, even you. Especially in your age. If you have anything you want to ask, I'm here."

Ed snorted again. "It's not like I care, Colonel Bastard. My age has nothing to do with this."

"It has Ed. You're growing up, soon you'll be a man. Your body changes, I can see that already."

Ed blushed. "Stop staring at me. The fact that I'm growing up is none of your business."

"You need at least one adult to look after you."

Ed growled. "Then let me go and find one. Are we done?"

Roy stood up and shook his head. Ed started snarling loudly. "We still need to find a hotel, the military dorms are full, so if you could just let me go before I have to sleep on the streets, Bastard."

"You're testing your limits, Edward. You're trying to see how long it'll take for me to snap."

"So?" Ed asked and stretched his left arm.

"That's completely normal", Roy stated again. Ed growled flatly.

"So?"

Roy crossed his hands. "You aren't cooperating, are you?"

Ed acted like he thought about it. "No. I don't think I am."

Roy tapped his shoulder and Ed's eyes widened. Roy motioned him to get up.

"Just remember: if you ever have anything to ask or you just want to talk anyway you can always come to me."

Ed growled and started heading to the door. Maybe he could come to just chat with the Colonel?

"See you then, pipsqueak."

BOOM.

He left the building with a changed opinion.

* * *

One word can do so much damage, can it? 

I'd love to get a few reviews. So please, go ahead! Push the review button! Even "nice" is enough for me as a review! And if you want to flame me, go ahead. It's not like I really care. With good luck I'll learn from them.


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